Sadly, all those whingeing dull people in the Middy Mailbag have got their way regarding the Mid Sussex Times. No more filth on the front page!
The lead story in the latest issue: NEW POST OFFICE.
Talk about thrilling! This must come up to the standards of FIRST DAY AT BIG SCHOOL (PHOTOS INSIDE) or WOMAN BLAMES COUNCIL FOR PAVEMENT FALL. You can just imagine the young turks in the newsroom's frustration at having to relegate a juicy murder to the inside page.

DENNIS BROOM

You may not know who Dennis Broom is. He keeps an eye on our local politicians as they happily spend his pension and our wages on whatever new dumb plan occurs to them. Dennis, after an absence of some months, has again started writing letters to the Middy Mailbag. His wise words in the latest issue? "It is, I believe, an accepted fact that many of our councillors and indeed MPs are not over blessed with a particularly high IQ..." Ouch!

THE LEADER

I'm pleased that the Argus Group freebie, has not taken the lead from its dull rival in relegating dirt to the inside pages. The front page is all about the shenanigans in Scaynes Hill. The Over 18s club has been taken over by a "fetish events company" called Club Liberty. I'm still laughing at the description of what locals can expect from their newly refurbished venue: "Club Liberty...will hold fetish parties, spanking evenings, pole dancing and nudist days."

How long before some wag writes on the village's sign "Scaynes Hill - Twinned With Sodom"?

THE CITIZEN

Dull lead article regarding underage drinks sales. Teenagers buying drinks underage? What a wicked world we live in! When I was under 18, I used to think of all these teenagers testing out the legal restrictions for trading standards, as turncoats.
And what were these trading standards officers doing when they were 17, attending temperance meetings?

WEST SUSSEX CONNECTIONS

Has the council delivered to you this poor excuse for a publication, yet?
The lead article just shows how two-faced our council is.
It goes on about concessionary fares for school children and how they wish to encourage the use of public transport. At the same time, of course, St Paul's free school bus is threatened with extinction. Obviously, now the council has sold the land, and a few years have passed, it feels under no obligation to the school. Well, they are the ones who wanted St Paul's built out in the sticks. No doubt to free up some juicy housing land for development and a tidy profit.

Inside is Reclaim, the first issue of West Sussex County Council's recycling newsletter! Oh please! My favourite recycling tip for Christmas is: "Cut down on what you buy - gift tags can be made from old greetings cards and can be recycled."
You would think we were still fighting the Second World War and living under rationing. Anyway, more paper was wasted on their stupid newsletter than I use for gift tags. On the back of Connections, I see that the newsletter cost every household 10p.

TESCOS

The 11th of November saw Armistice Day, of course. Outside Tescos, stuck in the cold, was an old soldier in a beret selling poppies. I don't need to tell you that the weather was miserable. You would think Tescos would let him sell them inside in the warm, but oh no they won't.

How do I know they won't? Well, it's the same for the RSPCA. They used to be allowed to put up a stall inside in the warm, and sell badges and take donations. I questioned them once when I saw them outside stuck in the cold. And they told me that Tescos no longer allowed them inside. Only recently, the store was extended.
If Tescos want to be considered a responsible store, once again charities should be allowed to collect inside.

Every little helps...Lest we forget