Saving Water
Peter Holman writes to the Middy congratulating Burgess Hill Town Council's emphasis on water conservation for their In Bloom competition. He regrets that the council did not take the opportunity to enter themselves into the regional competition, South and South East In Bloom who, likewise, have decided to support Southern Waters' rationing campaign. Forgive me, but I don't remember from History there being water rationing even during the Second World War. So why now?

Did you know that the growing of plants without soil is called "hydroponics"? I didn't until this week. Hydroponics saves water and is therefore environmentally friendly. And how do the local police deal with a local nursery growing plants this way? Only by shutting it down! Horticultural enthusiasts were growing 250 cannabis plants on the Springfield Industrial Estate at Wivelsfield Green using hydroponics.

We won't ever win South and South East in Bloom if the police persist in clamping down on such fine environmentalists.

Saving Lives
If there was ever a group of bores who could get together and create the party from hell it would be road safety campaigners and environmentalists. Can you imagine it? Everyone arriving by public transport for the opportunity of a chinwag about the rain forest! Road safety campaigners can create a non-story for a newspaper in any slow news week. And so it has been.

Jessica Haven, aged 10, of West Street is pictured on the front page of the Leader. She has made a poster with what the Middy describes as a "blunt message": "Kill Your Speed". How original! Just like the road safety campaign - "Kill Your Speed - Not A Child".

Jessica says of West Street: "I often see drivers whizzing up and down the road doing 60mph when the limit is just 30mph." How does she know? Does she have a speed gun? Is it taking over from the IPod as the plaything of the youth of today?

It sounds all too much of a script to me. Jessica's granny took her to the police station to show them her poster. And instead of being charged with wasting police time, they laminated it for her. This non-story has given newspapers the opportunity to fill their pages with road safety campaigner bores. And don't they go on: "if we want children to roam independently"; "educate drivers about the dangers of speeding" and "year on year the number of fatalities has gradually risen."

Soames
Nicholas Soames has written an article praising the staff of the Princess Royal. He was at the launch of a just introduced service for new mothers recently. Not really the time for praise, since the Princess Royal has committed an all-mighty cock-up. It was reported on BBC local news that a woman was sent home after telling the staff that she was going into labour.

She ended up giving birth at home ninety minutes later, the baby's umbilical chord getting stuck around its neck. The baby is now fine, but it's hardly a glowing testimonial to what Mr Soames calls a "much admired local hospital".

Burgess Hill FC
The club withdrew their application for the new floodlights. To show interested parties what the new lights would be like, they offered to take them to a ground in Bromley where they are already installed. What was their reply? It was too far to go.

So, even though they have time for endless meetings about the subject, planners don't have the common decency to take up a reasonable request. It just shows how determined they are to take away the ground from Leylands Park.